When things are good they are so good..................

How come when things are good they are soooooooooooo good?  Is it a total different mind set?  Sometimes I can get really irritated at myself and wonder WTF Jen?  What is wrong with you?  Why do I let certain people in my life and let them influence my thoughts, my dreams, my emotions?  Unbelievable.  I have been in such a thick fog and felt like I was absolutely drowning and there were no life rings around.  But............ today is different.  I feel like I am in so much more control of my thoughts, feelings, goals, dreams, the past!!!!  There is something deep inside of me that has been screaming to get out and when you quiet yourself long enough it seeps out and yes as it infects you and everything around you temporarily but then it can be gone.  Dissipates, evaporates.....yes!  There is also someone deep inside of me that has been screaming to get out...............me!  The me that is a different from before.  The me that is healthier, lovelier, even more beautiful!  The me that has so much more tosay.  The me that has an opinion.  The me that will let go of the past once and for all.  So to everyone in my life you have to give for what you take.  There is a balance and if you don't give what you get then you miss out.  I no longer belong to anyone and nobody belongs to me!!!! 
When you want it you want it, doesn't matter what it is, if it doesn't hurt you ............. then I so go get it!!!

So my journey begins............. there is so much to say and so much that has already happenned.  But in a nutshell my journey is about becoming FREE.  Free of pain, suffering, anger, resentment, fear, sorrow, hurt!!!!
I am so tired of not being free.  I am tired of the "have to's" of life.  I cannot decide if I am not free because of my own mental and emotional inabilities.  Or because of the past that has grabbed hold of every part of my being and won't let go.  Either Way I'm done!  So tired of not really being true to myself.  Along the way I have always said that True Love Conquers All!  That was my motto of life.  But the true love I was speaking of was of the love from my husband.  I couldn't live without him.  I couldn't even stand the thought of him ever being upset with me or disappointed in me.  His love was so true and so much that it suffocated me.  And what I didn't know was that it is the love of my true self that will conquer all.  I consider myself a pretty smart person so how could I have been so blind, and oblivious that the choices in life that I was making was actually hurting me and keeping me from healing myself.  So my journey will be to release the past, to allow true friendship to blossom from deep inside of me, to allow myself to like the me that everybody knows and the real me.  All of me.  To allow God into every part of my heart.  Everyday my kids remind me of how lucky I am.  How special they are.  How special I am.  I have learned so much from them.  I will continue to learn so much as they grow older.  More to come.........

So it begins.................... here I go

So this is my first blog ever.  Not really sure to where to start so I am just going to jump in with both feet and start blogging.
I think I would like to dedicate my first blog to an amazing person in my life!  She is a woman with such strong character, beauty that resembles the past when women really took the time to be a woman, she is wise beyond her years, sweet, funny, and strong!  Exactly the kind of woman I need to have in my life right now.  We have been friends for a year now and I have enjoyed her company as well as her families.  She has a great husband that adores her and two talented, beautiful children.  Gretchen............... you have become to me an important person in my life!  I believe it is so important for women to have a woman or many women in their lives.  These women like Gretchen for me will support you, comfort you, laugh with you, cry with you, tell you the truth, and lie to you when you need it. hehehehe  So Thank you Gretchen for being a part of my life!  More to come..........................