I am always amazed at the certainty that change will come! Just when you start to think how did I get to this place and what am I going to do to get myself out......it all changes! Thank God! I can always rely on my inner strength that sometimes I forget I have and wonder even if I haven't called it forth how does it know to help me? My belief in a higher power and the power of our universe all makes everything continually moving forward.
So just when I was at my bottom, really was unsure about my happiness and my ability to see the positive in my future, something clicked! As easy as that. I was so unhappy, so un-motivated, so confused, so mad, so resentful, so hurt! These are all emotions I normally do not allow myself to feel with the exception of happiness. People that know me would say I am a very happy, full of life, positive person. I had temporarily lost that. I for the first time in my life allowed myself to process pain, suffering, anger, hurt, resentful, fear, shame, loneliness. It was an ugly place for me to be. As much as I tried to shelter my family from all of this which was storming deep inside of me. I couldn't! My children, my husband. They felt it, saw it, experienced it, were so confused by it. But because of the amazing bond we share together. Because of the love and trust between each other. And because of the constant communication with each other. We got through it. This journey I thought I was on by myself really was a journey that included my family. My inability to trust things made me think I was going to have to battle all of this on my own. But because of therapy, my family, my trust (yes trust) in myself, my belief in myself, my love for my family and my love (sort of, still working on this) for myself. I was able to move forward. I asked for my heart to be softened, and I asked for healing, and I asked for help! When you put it out there change happens! You can't just think it, You must believe it, feel it changing deep within you, with every cell in your body KNOW that IT will happen!
And Poof it does! Awesome!
Today, I feel amazing! I feel stronger, more beautiful, happier, softer, wiser, braver, safer! I have more to process, I have more to learn, I have more to love (myself). But it will happen!!!
